This is more of a rant than an essay. I don’t know if anyone else sees what I see but it really bothers me.
Sometime ago, some gays were raging over Russell Tovey talking about being masculine and how he was raised to be tough.. I understood him because growing up in Nigeria I faced a lot of hate for being feminine. I was compelled to do “manly” things in order to blend in. I stopped listening to Beyonce and Gaga in college because people insisted I was gay despite the fact that I had a girlfriend.
When I was using gay apps in England I noticed how lots of guys had ”no fems” on their bio. I went on dates and guys were amazed at how masculine I was. It made me feel glad for having such a horrible experience since the aftermath made me desirable by many gays. So I understood where Tovey was coming from.
However months later a guy posted a tweet about a boy on grindr with a belly button ring who insists he’s a top. Over 80 gays liked this and I had to tweet him saying that by now we should know that stereotypes mean nothing. Instantly, I was attacked by some gays. I defended myself by saying that we complain about labels yet we have no problem putting labels on others. I gave up when I noticed the person attacking me was getting likes.
It appears some gays aspire to be Regina George (Mean Girls). How depressing.
Feminine or masculine, it shouldn’t be a problem. If you’re sexually attracted to one of them, good for you but don’t make the other feel bad for being the way they are. That’s like hating blacks because you only want to sleep with another race or refusing to have female friends because you only sleep with men. I’m going to refrain from ranting about racial discrimination in the gay world. I’ve seen lots of articles on that and I still see discrimination. .
At the end of the day, people don’t care if we are feminine or masculine, or what race, they still condemn us for being gay, and condemning ourselves doesn’t help.
We have more issues within our community. I was chatting with a guy who condemned bisexuals. He didn’t understand it but we should already know that just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean you should condemn it. He argued with me that bisexuals are a fraud and are just men who are ashamed to be gay. I told him I was bisexual, I’ve only dated girls however I stopped because I can only see myself living happily with a man. Therefore, I say I’m gay because it takes too long to explain it when asked. But, if tomorrow, I meet a woman who makes me happier than anyone and I make her happy I’d date her and if anyone says, “I thought you were gay.” I’d reply that love is love and it shouldn’t be questioned.
This boy said bisexuals don’t suffer like gays because bisexuals can hide and date the opposite sex. Yes, this happens sometimes but we should stop generalising.
My relative is bisexual, resides in Nigeria, she has dated men and women, right now she is in love with a woman and she knows she’s risking her life and her father won’t be happy about this but love is love, right?
Bisexuals face discrimination as well. After all, I’ve had girls say I might give them HIV because I hook up with men. Some gays are worried that dating a bisexual means they might be left for someone of the opposite sex and some straights are worried about being left for the same sex. But does it matter who you are left for? If you love someone you shouldn’t think about such things.
I think we should all realise that we are team, the LGBT community. The world looks at us the same way. Therefore, we have to stop discriminating against transgenders. I’ve heard lots of gays say rubbish things because they don’t understand what it’s like. I think it’s important for us to learn about things rather than turn our backs and live in ignorance.
So glad there’s I Am Cait to bring some issues to light.
Recently a friend told me he wants to be a woman and I was able to tell him stuff as I’ve watched lots of trans documentaries and surgeries.
Speaking of learning, just because one lives in another country shouldn’t stop them from learning issues in other countries. When the anti-gay bill was released last year in Nigeria, I began posting tweets and pictures of people being burned alive and beaten or stoned to death on twitter. Some straight followers retweeted and commented on how horrible it was while I lost gay followers. I found it strange because I was expecting gays to spread the word and create awareness. I felt betrayed. I think it’s just like the rich people who live in mansions and don’t want to know that there are poor people out there. And yes, I understand that seeing pictures of people dying is horrid but for us who have been watching people die in the streets from a very young age we have no option to click unfollow, we are more motivated to create a change, so why turn your back when you can help create awareness. I saw the article on BBC about Isis throwing gays off buildings and I shared it with my gay friends. I can’t do anything but sharing it keeps everyone informed and speaking out about things leads to action being taken.
Some of us want to live in silence because they think it makes life easier. Well it doesn’t. Recently I learnt that majority of the gays in Nigeria are homophobes. Some are self loathing due to their religion or upbringing and don’t want to fight for gay rights. Some are happy with the secret life because it makes it easier for them to have affairs when dating another man as their relationships aren’t official.
It excites me to see other countries getting gay marriage rights and more freedom but my country has a long way to go. Some months back I contacted a Nigerian gay blogger to help me post an article about me wanting to some gays to write about their experience living in Nigeria so I can share it and our stories will be heard. The gay blogger seemed more interested in having sex with me. When I declined he refused to help me and he didn’t even steal my idea and use it to help Nigerian gays.