Deciding your sexual orientation isn’t easy and there are no Internet quizzes or tests that can do it for you. You are the only person capable of understanding yourself and the way you live your sexuality. As such, it is important that you keep in mind that these questions are meant to help you figure yourself out, but there are no correct or incorrect answers and they are not a foolproof way to understand if you are asexual. Take the answers you give to these questions as part of a process of self-analysis, not as a diagnosis.
1) How often do you think about sex?
Knowing how often you think about sex in comparison with most sexual is tough. But it isn’t impossible. Maybe you’re always the last one to understand a sexual joke or maybe it’s common that your friends pull you apart to tell you that somebody just directed a dirty comment towards you and you didn’t notice. Or maybe when you friends start to talk about something sexual, it takes you a few seconds to switch channels while you remember that most people thing about sex frequently. You might space out and start thinking about different things when your friends talk about sex. Another sign could be that you sometimes make a double entendre without noticing that your words had a sexual double meaning until you see the surprised faces around. Or maybe you’ve heard that popular statistic that says that an average human things about sex every seven seconds and the only thing that could come to mind was that maybe there was something wrong with you because you never or almost never think about sex. Another possible sign of how much you think about sex is how you react to your friends and media talking about porn. Does it seem pointless to you? Do you have a hard time understanding the entertainment value? All of these things can help you gauge how often you think about sex in comparison with the sexual majority.
2) Do you think about sex in a different way than most?
How do you react when your friends talk about sex, when they describe a personal sexual encounter or when you see a sexual scene in a movie? Most asexuals react with indifference, meaning they don’t find it exciting but also don’t find it annoying. However, some asexuals are also sex repulsed and they might feel slightly grossed out by conversations about sex with friends or by sexual imagery. Another possible indicator of asexuality is related to how you see sex and its purpose. Thinking about sex in purely practical, scientific or reproductive terms, and leaving out excitement and pleasure, can also be a sign of asexuality.
3) Do you feel attraction when you see and attractive person?
Most sexuals feel attracted when they see a good looking person (of their gender preference) whether it be walking down the street or in a movie. This manifests itself by feelings of sexual attraction and desire towards that person even if that person is completely off-limits (like an actor or actress in a movie) or a complete stranger. Most asexuals don’t feel this attraction and desire when they see someone good looking. You might have caught yourself describing a celebrity your friends are constantly gushing over in a detached manner, for example: “oh, yeah, they’re okay.” Or you may even find yourself using colder, more objective language, such as: “sure, they’re very symmetrical and proportionate.” Asexuals do not feel primary, instinctive, sexual attraction and this explains why they can’t share emotions and excitement towards celebrities and good-looking people in the same way that most people do.
4) Do you like pornography?
Even though some asexuals do enjoy pornography, most of them find it boring, are indifferent towards it or even find it unpleasant. If you prefer avoiding pornography or feel indifference or unpleasantness and not excitement while watching it, you might be seeing another sign of asexuality.
5) What is your take on strip clubs?
For many sexuals, going to strip clubs (female or male) is a regular activity aimed at having fun and feeling sexually aroused and excited. Many people invite strippers to bachelors and bachelorette parties to liven up and sexually charge the party or even to see if the groom or bride will engage in some sort of sexual contact with someone who is not their future spouse. This practice is thought of as a way to say “goodbye” to casual sex and to single life. If you have a hard time understanding these rituals or fail to see the entertainment value of strip clubs, you can consider this another point in your asexuality checklist.
6) Have you ever doubted your gender sexual orientation?
Asexuality is called the invisible orientation because of the lack of information and awareness about it. So it’s no surprise that many asexuals, before reading or having someone tell them they might be asexual, sense that something is sexually different about themselves and, due to the lack of information, turn to believing that the problem might be that they are not attracted to the gender they think they are attracted to. Given that asexuals do not feel primary sexual attraction towards their partners and mixed with the lack of knowledge about asexuality and the romantic attraction spectrum, confusion may arise. There is a lot more information out there about homosexuality, lesbianism and bisexuality so it’s common that a confused asexual might turn to believing that their sexual orientation is one of these three more well known orientations. When they do find out they are asexual, then they can figure out where they are on the romantic attraction spectrum. If you’ve felt confused by your sexual gender attraction, experimented with other genders or not, but still feel uneasy about what it is that you actually feel sexually attracted to, you might benefit from looking into asexuality and then into romantic orientation.