“Oh, that’s just because you’re disabled….”

Another issues is having disabilities, may it be physical or mental, does not make people asexual, nor does it undermine their identity if they chose to identify as such. Disabled people are so often desexualized, like it’s completely clear that the disability is responsible for it, yet it says nothing about their sexuality or libido, or anything else really. Disabled people can be of any sexual orientation and have varying sexual needs like any other person, disabled or not. You have to remember that having a disability is only one of the many parts of a person and does not define them as a whole.

And if someone is taking medication for some issue(s) of theirs, it can be quite frustrating when someone starts to question you about it and/or tries to invalidate your identity based on this, telling you it’s because of some meds. It can be very uncomfortable having to defend your own identity and very rude of the person doing the questioning. Respect the persons in question feelings and wishes.

“But you were born to be this way (sexual)….”

Other groups that are often sexually stereotyped or targeted by entertainment or media frequently include African-Americans, Africans, Latinos, Asians, and other diverse ethnic groups. It can happen that these groups are desexualized, but usually they are oversexualized, even fetishized. But it is only a social stereotype. Any person of any other skin color than white have as diverse sexualities, sexual desires and needs, and libidos as Caucasians do.

And it is not just common folks from work, school, or your group of friends, or even just strangers on the street, though yes, they all can do it, but you find a ton of this in movies, in music videos, in magazines and books as well. So it’s not just sex everywhere you look, like for the rest of the Aces, but oversexualization everywhere you look. And actually, as some asexuals target other asexuals for their activities or ideas, sexual or otherwise, people of color can be found oversexualizing their own ethnic group as well.

You should be careful when making such assumptions. It could hurt someone badly. Usually such stereotypes are just harmful.

“Oh, it’s just a phase….”

How many have heard this and others like, “You just haven’t found the right person yet.” Or, “You’re too young to know.” Many adults hear some of these, but it’s mostly teens who are invalidated by these responses. As it seems some think they can know the feelings of others better than themselves. Especially teens hear these from their own parents, which isn’t exactly helpful and can make them feel worse than if it came from anyone else. Truth is if anyone is coming out to you they are putting trust in you for respect and help, and if you put them down like this they may close up to you and be very careful what they say in front of you.

What adults forget is that they themselves were young and started experiencing things early, even if they didn’t act upon them. Children usually start experiencing sexual attraction at beginning of or during puberty. Puberty on average starts, with girls at ages 10–11; boys at ages 11–12. But sometimes kids can know even younger. Everyone is different and so people find out at different ages and even though it can be true that someone can start later than others, using it to generalize and put all kids down because of this is silly and only does more harm than any good.

Listen to what others tell you. Don’t assume that you know their feelings better than they themselves because you never can. Respect what they say to you and if you have to ask, be respectful about it. Coming out isn’t an easy process and takes a lot of courage, so try and show support to make people feel at ease around you.

“Oh please, that’s because of your dysphoria, you’ll want sex when you have the right parts….”

Being transgender or gender non-binary seems to support in people the belief that it is obvious that we are asexual, all thanks to our dysphoria. Yet, no link whatsoever was discovered between gender dysphoria and sexual attraction, and only a small part identifies as asexual. It’s like saying that portraying homosexuality in TV makes children gay, which is utter nonsense. People have to understand that sexuality is not a choice, nor is it a symptom of something. Sexuality is generally considered to be a natural, diverse trait, a part of someone, present from birth. And yes, it can be fluid. It can be fluid with trans and non-binary folk as it can with cisgender people. And what does it matter if it could change at some point, the important thing is the here and now.

And the same goes for intersex individuals. They too are subjected to this, yet the same facts apply to them as they do to trans and non-binary people.