We live in a society where being heterosexual is the right thing and being anything else is different. No matter how many laws have been created, being heterosexual is the so-called right thing. A good example of this is when the gays need to “come out” and the heterosexuals don’t. This shows that the people expect that we are heterosexuals and that’s wrong. Many gays are still in the “closet”. This is my story and I will tell you how I live two lives.
In my normal life I’m a really friendly guy. I say that I will not get married and I don’t want kids but I really want to. My family doesn’t know about my sexual orientation. I think they probably asked that question to themselves before. In the past, I fought against the LGBT community just to hide myself. I remember one day in Puerto Rico, the conservative group did a march against a new curriculum in public schools that would say that homosexuality wasn’t wrong. I filled my Facebook with memes, pictures and status talking about what was wrong this new curriculum , but inside I knew that I was doing it wrong. I had been doing this kind of stuff all my life but two weeks before my 20th birthday I said, no more.
In that time, I was so depressed. I cried for no reason and I felt anxiety and fear all the time. I was thinking about coming out to my parents on my 20th birthday. I thought that the better idea was sending them a letter and then explaining all my feelings. I started to write the manual but before finishing it, I came out to my best friend as a bisexual. She accepted me and also she wrote a song for me. She is amazing. The day after that, I told her that I was confused and I was not bisexual. I felt terrible. The thing is that I’m still in the closet.
One day, I came out to a Facebook friend who is gay and studied with me in high school. He told me that I need to be happy and that is what I’m doing now. I don’t know if I’m gay or bisexual and I really don’t care. I’m Christian and I love God but I’m not heterosexual. When Obama legalized the gay marriage in all the United States and its territory, I wrote a big Facebook status in favor of it. My mom didn’t like it. She didn’t say anything but I know that she was angry because of my post. Having two lives is so hard but I’m glad that my queer life is winning this war.
Nowadays, my fear about defending my feelings is almost gone. I can post some LGBT things on Facebook without feeling ashamed. My next step is coming out. The first thing to do this is to find myself. For now, I’m not sure about my sexuality, so I think that this is really important. I know that my family will ask me questions so I need to be prepared to answer them. Since I accept that I am not heterosexual, I’m trying to figure out what my sexual orientation is. For me having a label is not important but I need to be clear with society. The second thing in this voyage is accepting that not all the people will react the same way and not everybody will accept this “choice”. With parents such as mine, I can expect anything. They will accept me or they will hate me. I don’t know how they will react so I need to be prepared for the worst.
If you are in the closet, my advice to you is to be yourself. Sometimes it is hard and maybe you will be sad sometimes but do it. I lost all my teenage years rejecting who I am. My parents are so religious and homophobic but I love them and someday, they will know who I am. I like guys and sometimes girls and I’m proud of it. I’m accepting this because this is a hard thing but this is who I am and I can’t change it no matter what I do. Be you and be proud.